It Just Doesn't Seem Right

Sinners Fear God, Mother Nature, Uncertainty of Universe (Whatever Those May Be) Study Shows

WASHINGTON D.C. -- In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, sinners across America are uneasy about taking trips to live lives of decadence and debauchery away from the prying eyes of morality, said a new study performed by the National Center for Analytical Analysis (NCAA). Among those malefactors chosen for the study, 57% showed some discomfort of flying or driving over 150 miles to a large city with the particular intent of exclusive drinking and fornication. 13% added specifications to their list of "acceptable" cities, choosing Midwestern and interior cities over coastal areas and Texas. They cited hurricanes, tornadoes and George Bush as their reasons for the choice.

Some heathens have been very outspoken about their discomfort on living in a world where forces of nature and uncertainty are a constant threat. Fox Trubben, an accountant and minor sex offender from Willingboro, New Jersey said, "I had my plane tickets to New Orleans paid for this October but I'm not sure if I'll go after [Hurricane Katrina]. I had a buddy who went to Vegas a few weeks ago and came back paralyzed after getting in a car wreck on the interstate. I thought about going there too, but now I doubt it. It's crazy! It's like god or Mother Nature or whoever is literally trying to get us! I'm afraid to go to work, even." Trubben also noted uneasiness about traveling into nearby Philadelphia for concerts and ballgames.

Even college students displayed concern regarding natural disasters. "We should have gotten past all this baloney," said Ethan Crow, a sophomore at Florida State University. "We used to have diseases, now we have medicine. We used to have racism, now we have diversity. We used to have wild animals, now we have dogs and cats. But a hurricane can still come up and kill thousands of people. It just doesn't seem right." Crow is a philosophy major.



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