Bush Vs. Kanye

President Slams Kanye West in Un-Televised Event

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a fictional Relief Benefit for Hurricane Katrina Survivors held in the bedroom of the White House at 2:14am Sunday morning, George W. Bush began what appeared to be an impromptu address, hitting on the recent insults hurled at him by rapper Kanye West. "[Kanye] says I don't care about black people? I'm mister black people!" Bush exclaimed, followed by a well-timed mixture of cheers and jeers from an mp3 recording on the Presidential iPod mix. "And I want these people…these brave survivors of this horrendous atrocity to know, who does this motherfucker think he is? Fuckin' with me like he's playin' ball! Kanye ain't nothing but a suburban gangbang bullshit artist! You roll with your minivan, homes, you roll with that…I'll roll with my Air Force Ones! That's how I roll. Oh yeah. Yeah…yeah…what's this guy, leader of the free world? Come on man, you sell a couple 'a million records and suddenly you the fuckin' freshy fresh…mista' pol-i-tics an' shit? Back up off, man! I own this town. I fuckin' own this town." The president ended his address with a special message to the looters roaming the streets, asking them to "please stop breakin' shit."

The Secret Serviceman assigned to Bush's room said the event was both "inspiring" and "daring." "I don't know anyone else who would say what he said. It takes a certain amount of courage to just come out and let the public know what's on your mind. That's what the haters will never understand."


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